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​Cleared out the TiVo last night after watching American Idol for DC9 and realized I just haven't been watching enough of the CW of late. I had totally missed that the 14th cycle of America's Next Top Model was set to premiere. And that, Friends, is unheard of in my reality-recapping world. So ...Long story short: Tyra Banks and her posse narrow down the list of wannabes from 49,308 to 12 in Los Angeles, with the top dozen making the trip to New York, where they'd meet Lucky Number 13. Weird. Whatever. Doesn't matter. What does? The 13th model was none other than 22-year-old Ren Vokes from Grand Prairie, though she was ID'd as a Dallas girl."I'm a free spirit that can't be caged," she said. Looks a bit like early Winona Ryder sporting Pete Doherty's wardrobe, until hair magician Sally Hershberger did her thing and gave her a funky fringe, which, turned out, was the first haircut Ren received from someone other than herself in seven years. But you know which hair she doesn't cut? No, silly. Her armpit hair."Did you come to a modeling competition with an armpit full of hair?!" screamed celeb stylist and Tyra henchman Jay Manuel.

"Ren is from Grand Prairie." This will be the first line in our next novel.​We knew at the end of the last episode that this week's America's Next Top Model would start off with some nakedness. So it was really no surprise when silver-haired "TV personality" Jay Manuel told the girls to choose one article on the mannequin and be prepared to sell it in a photo -- in the buff. And there were many, many blurred patches on the screen for the 20 minutes.Our gal Ren Vokes -- who clearly puts the "grand" in Grand Prairie -- knocked that challenge out of the water. She went after the first thing she saw -- a hat -- and nailed her shot. She looked stunningly gorgeous and innocent body-wise -- the latter of which is hard to accomplish nude unless you were just born -- and had the most piercing eyes peering out from under that gold mirrored hat. Well done. She was third called during judges' panel (which, for fashion peeps, now includes Andre Leon-Talley, editor-at-large for Vogue -- delightful).During the shoot, however, Ren offered some interesting insight: "I tend to get along with the hair and makeup people." She went on to say that she's not making a huge effort to get along with all the other girls because that's not why she's on the show. (Did you know she lists as her occupation as "living"? She's like Wooderson in Dazed and Confused, but with the "g." And vagina.)

That's all, Vokes.​When a reality show begins by focusing on a particular contestant, follows said contestant through show and pokes contestant with a big stick to see if said contestant will react, it's usually a fair bet she's leaving. She's out. Auffed. Adiosed. Knives will be sheathed; bags will be packed; tears will be shed; garments will be rended.Our girl from Grand Prairie, Ren Vokes, had been ready to jet from the House of Bitches and Mayhem since last week. Hell, they way she talked about it last night, she'd been ready since Minute One, but she stayed on because of her mama. Because all mothers dream that one day their daughters will wind up on the 14th season of Tyra Banks's show on The CW. Look it up.But where to we begin with this sad sack's tale? She is fascinating, this Ren -- she, who lists her occupation as "Living." She told the confession cam that, sorry, she did not want to be here any longer, not after last week's meltdown: "Normally, I would've said, 'I quit, bye, guys, I'm done,' but modeling is my mom's dream for me." Then she offered a torturous tale about how Mom always did like her brother more, until Tyra beckoned with offers of riches and rags. Said Ren, once her mom found out she'd be on the show, she started being nice to her and even took her shopping for nicer clothes, then stuck her with the tab when she got a call from the brother and had to step, ya know, outside.But Ren, she is the fair-skinned black sheep. She likes the work, not the drama nor the bitchiness. Which reminds us: There is a show to be recapped full of drama and bitches. But will our Ren, frail swan and neglected child, survive? How in the world could she?

That's all, Vokes.​When a reality show begins by focusing on a particular contestant, follows said contestant through show and pokes contestant with a big stick to see if said contestant will react, it's usually a fair bet she's leaving. She's out. Auffed. Adiosed. Knives will be sheathed; bags will be packed; tears will be shed; garments will be rended.Our girl from Grand Prairie, Ren Vokes, had been ready to jet from the House of Bitches and Mayhem since last week. Hell, they way she talked about it last night, she'd been ready since Minute One, but she stayed on because of her mama. Because all mothers dream that one day their daughters will wind up on the 14th season of Tyra Banks's show on The CW. Look it up.But where to we begin with this sad sack's tale? She is fascinating, this Ren -- she, who lists her occupation as "Living." She told the confession cam that, sorry, she did not want to be here any longer, not after last week's meltdown: "Normally, I would've said, 'I quit, bye, guys, I'm done,' but modeling is my mom's dream for me." Then she offered a torturous tale about how Mom always did like her brother more, until Tyra beckoned with offers of riches and rags. Said Ren, once her mom found out she'd be on the show, she started being nice to her and even took her shopping for nicer clothes, then stuck her with the tab when she got a call from the brother and had to step, ya know, outside.But Ren, she is the fair-skinned black sheep. She likes the work, not the drama nor the bitchiness. Which reminds us: There is a show to be recapped full of drama and bitches. But will our Ren, frail swan and neglected child, survive? How in the world could she?